mine

SQUEEZE EM

Kyle's Mom's a Bitch in D minor
[ from "Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo" - #110 e009 ]
Cartman singing this song

Verse One
Ooooh, Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch,
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world.
She's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch,
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls.

Verse Two
Monday she's a bitch, on Tuesday she's a bitch,
On Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch.
And then on Sundays, just to be different,
She's a super King Kamehameha bitch.   *

Verse Three
Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom,
She's the biggest bitch in whole wide world.
She's a mean ole bitch and she has stupid hair,
She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,
She's a stupid bitch, Kyle's mom's a bitch,
Yes she is a dirty bitch.

Kyle's mom is a biiiiiiiiiiitch! CHA!

*   Special thanks goes out to Jaymz H. for translating lyrics of King Kamehameha [ Hawaiian God ]


Cartman Sings "I'm Sailing Away" by STYX
[ from "Cartman's Mom Is A Dirty Slut" - #202 e015 ~ Stan & Kyle start the song, Cartman has to finish ]

I'm sailing away, set an open course for the virgin sea.
For I've got to be free, free to face the life that's ahead of me.
On board I'm the captain, so climb aboard, we'll search for tomorrow on every shore.
And I'll try, oh lord, I'll try to carry on.
Mmm...mmm.... (he doesn't know the words) mmm....mmm...
A gathering of angels appeared above our heads, they sang to us this song of hope.
And this is what they said.
Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me… lads
Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me.
I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise, we climbed about their starship and headed for the skies.
Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me… lads.
Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me… lads.

[ later at Hospital Pass, Stan & Kyle start song again but he knows the words this time... ]
( same beginning as above to the MMM....part )
I look to the sea.
Reflections in the waves spark my memory.
Some happy, some sad, I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had...


Cartman Sings "The Vicious Circle" by ELVIS PRESLEY
[ from "Chicken Pox" - #210 e023 ]

In the ghetto
On a cold and gray Chicago morn another little baby child is born
In the ghetto. In the ghetto.
And his momma cried.
Cause if there's one thing that she don't need is another little hungry mouth to feed.
In the ghetto. In the ghetto.

Want to hear a sound clip? -->>


Cartman Sings "She Works Hard For The Money" by DONNA SUMMER
[ from "Roger Ebert Should Lay Off The Fatty Foods" - #211 e024 ]

She works hard for the money, so hard for it, honey.
She works hard for the money, so you'd better treat her right.
She works hard for the money, so hard for it, honey
She works hard for the money, so you'd better treat her right.


The German Dance
[ from "Chef Aid" - #214 e027 ]

I will do the German dance for you, it's fun and gay and tra-la-la.
I hope you will enjoy my dance, fiddle-e-aye, fiddle-e-aye ay.
Would you like some sauerkraut, German boy, German boy?
Yes, I'd like some sauerkraut, boy I'm hungry!

[ brought to you by Savalom G. ]


Evil Twin Cartman's Song - Best Friends
[ from "Spooky Fish" - #215 e028 ]

You guys are my best friends,
through thick and thin,
we've always been together.
We're four of a kind, havin' fun all day,
pallin' around and laughin' away.
Just best friends....best friends are weeee!
I love you guys.


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Cartman's Wild Wild West Song
[ from "Cat Orgy" - #307 e038 ]

Well, I'm a badass cowboy living in a cowboy's age, whicky whicky scratch yo yo bang bang.
Me and Artemus Clyde Frog go save Salma Hayek from the big metal spider
Whicky whicky wick, whicky whicky wick, fresh cowboy from the Westside.

[ during the credits at end, Cartman sings more ]
Well, I'm a badass cowboy living in a cowboy's age, whicky whicky scratch yo yo bang bang.
Me and Artemus Clyde Frog go save Salma Hayek from the big metal spider.
Whicky whicky wick, whicky whicky wick, fresh, cowboy from the Westside.
Whicky whicky scratch yo yo bang bang, me and Artemus Clyde Frog go save,
Salma Frog Polly Prissy Pants go down to, well, Rumpertumskin...


Cartman's Sea People Song
[ from "Simpsons Already Did It" - #607 e087 ]

Look at me, living free.
Free and clean amongst the Sea People.
We look for pirates and search for gold.
Life is an adventure with the Sea People.
They don't ever complain, they don't call me fat.
They don't make me do homework or nothing like that.
This is the way life was meant to be, laughing and singing.
Sea people and me. Sea people and me, you guys.


Taco-Flavored Kisses
[ from "Fat Butt & Pancake Head" - #705 e101 ]

Burrito, taco, taco. Burrito, taco. Taco taco.
Don't think that just because I got a lot of money
I'll give you taco-flavored kisses, honey!
Fulfill all your wishes, with my taco-flavored kisses.
Taco, taco, burrito. Burrito, taco, taco.
Don't think just because I got money
I won't still give you taco-flavord kisses, honey!
I'm goin'a fulfill all your sexy wishes
Give you lots of taco-flavored kisses.

Three Tacos ( the flip-side )
[ also from "Fat Butt & Pancake Head" - #705 e101 ]
Baby let's make a run for the border, I've got a hunger only tacos can stop.
I know exactly what I ordered, three tacos, two tostadas and a soda pop.
I need to make a run for the border, if you pay I'll take off my top.
Do you remember what I want to order?
Three tacos, two tostadas and a soda pop.
Yea, yea, and don't forget the hot sauce, chaolo!

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Cartman's Christian Songs
[ from "Christian Hard Rock" - #709 e105 ]
"All right, guys, this is going'a be so easy. All we have to do to make Christian songs is take regular old songs and add Jesus stuff to them."

I need you in my life, Jesus. I can't live without you, Jesus.
And I just want to feel you deep inside me, Jesus.

Don't ever leave me, Jesus. I couldn't stand to see you go.
My heart would simply snap, my Lord, if you walked on out that door.
I promise I'll be good to you, and keep you warm at night.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, why don't we just... shut off the lights.

I love you, Jesus, I want you to walk with me.
I'll take good care of you baby. Call you my baby, baby!
You died for my sins, and you know that I would die for you, right?
What's the matter, baby? You tremble at Jesus, baby! Your love, is my life!
You'ld know when I talk too, there's a blackhole in my life! Ooooh!
I want'a believe, it's alright, cause I get lonely in the night and it's up to you to save me, Jesus, baby!

[ then a commercial on TV - "K-tal Records presents..." ]
Oh Lord you are my savior! You know I miss you so much when you are gone.
Yes I may be born again, but I wasn't born again yesterday.
I want'a get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want'a feel his salvation all over my face.
The body of Christ, sleek swimmer's body, all muscled up and toned.
The body of Christ, Oh, Lord Almighty, I wish I could call it my own.
You're one time, two times, three times my Savior...
Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross I can't help but think that he looks kind'a hot...


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Cartman's Make It Right Song
[ from "The Death Of Eric Cartman" - #906 e131 ]

I'm gonna make, make it right. I'm gonna take a little time and set things right.
Make, make it right. I'm paying for my sins and it sure feels great.
It feels so good to be making up for all the things I've done wrong.
I know now what the Good Lord in Heaven wanted from me all along.
All along, I'm gonna make, make it right. 'Cause Jesus wants me to have a clean slate.
Not faking it, I'm making it right. I'm paying for my sins and it sure feels great.
Make, make it right! Make, make it right! Gonna make it right, girl, I've got to have your lovin' tonight!


Cartman's Ginger Song
[ from "Ginger Kids" - #911 e136 ]

Hand in hand we live together
Ginger or not, it's all the same.
Black or white, brown or red
We shouldn't kill each other cause that is lame.
Hand in hand we can live together
We shouldn't kill each other cause we're all the same.


What Happened On 9-11?
[ from "The Mystery of the Urinal Deuce" - #1009 e148 ]

It is wrong for me to ask questions?
Is it wrong to seek the truth?
I just can't blindly accept their version.
I can't base my logic on proof.
Almost all the evidence points one way,
But I'm like Charlie Sheen and Gloria Estefan.
I need to know what really happened...
On nine-eleven, 'leven, 'leven, 'leven, 'leven.
What really happened... on nine-eleven!?


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California Love
[ from "Night of the Living Homeless #1107 e160 ]
( all 4 scamps sing this one, not just Cartman )

California love...
California, is nice to the homeless
California'nia'nia, supercool to the homeless
In the city - city of Santa Monica, lots of rich people, giving change to the homeless
In the city - city of Brentwood, they take really good care, of all their homeless
In the city - Marina del Rey, they're so nice to the homeless, built a port about it
California, supercool to the homeless
California'nia'nia, it home to the dognut hole
In the city - City of Venice, right by Matt's house, you can chill if you're homeless.


Pirate Song
[ from "Fatbeard" #1307 e188 ]
( Cartman starts song but all pirates join in )

We drink and we pillage and we do what we please. We get all that we want for free.
We'll kick your ass and rape your lass. Somalian pirates we!
So with a yo ho ho. And with a ye he he. We take to the African sea.
We'll brave the squalls and bust your balls. Somalian pirates we!
We left our homes and we left our mudders, to go on a pillagin' spree.
We'll cut off your ears and break your toes and make you drink our pee.
And if you sail into our waters, you best hear this decree.
We'll take your boat, set your ass afloat. Somalian pirate we.
And with a yo ho ho. And a tricky lahty do. We'll shoot you in the face with glee.
Then we'll cut off your cock and feed it to a croc. Somalian pirates we.


Cartman Sings "Poker Face" by LADY GAGA
[ from "Whale Whores" - #1311 e192 ]

Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum, I wanna hold'em like they do in Texas plays
A little gambling is fun when you're with me, I love it
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun

Oh, whoa-oh, oh, oh, whoa-oh, oh, oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, whoa-oh, oh, oh, whoa-oh, oh, oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
She's got to love nobody

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
Mum mum mum mah
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
Mum mum mum mah
(Mum mum mum mah)


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