Chicken Humor

The age old question: Why did the chicken cross the road? How would any South Park character answer this?
:- I've had this up since South Park started in 1997.
Could the "Creators" be spoofing me with recent character Jimmy & City Wok Owner? )~

Jimmy - "Because she was having sex with the pigeon. Wow! What a great audience!" { from Cripple Fight! - #503 }
City Wok Owner - "Because it has aides." { from Jared Has Aides - #602 }

Chef - To make sweet-love to the rooster. (Clarence)
OR That chicken has no respect or honor for religious beliefs and should run away from the road. ( Mar.19,2006 )
Cartman - To get my chocolate chicken pot pie. No chicken, this is MAH POT PIE!
OR To have a KickAss time. (Michael)
OR To get me some Cheesy Poofs. (westlake)
OR So I can kick him squaw in de nuts. (Brittany)
OR Okay chicken give me the egg. NO chicken, BAD chicken, give me that egg Goddamnit! We can play Roshambo! (Kennydied)
Kyle - So the Visitors wouldn't abduct him. You bastards!
OR Oh, my God! The chicken is...screwing!? Kenny! You...bastards? Kenny, stop it! (Kennydied)
Stan - Chickens have plagued our fragile earth for many years and we must end it.
OR So he won't get eaten by Cartman. (Lily)
OR Sparky, what are you doing to that chicken!?! BAD DOG!!! (jam)
OR Because he killed Kenny, that bastard! (vip.jocky)
Kenny - Mrrp Mrrp Mrrp Mrmp! (Danielle) [ TRANSLATION: The fucking chicken is looking for a dildo. ]
OR It better not try to cross the road or it'll be killed.
OR It wanted to get to my dead body before the rats did. (JD)
Jimbo - So I could blow the crap out of him. (gtonti)
OR IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US! (Mark H.)
OR So I can thin out their numbers.
Officer Barbrady - Look away please, nothing to see here. (PFNavarro)
OR To help me find the man in the boat.
Jesus - Everything has a purpose in life but you have to believe me.
Visitor - Cluck cluck cluck. [don't run away, Carl is new]
Mr. Garrison - I'm not touching that with a ten-foot pole. (Gary)
OR To get some poontang. (Brittany)
OR I don't know. What do you think Mr. Hat? (redhed32)
Mr. Hat - That chicken can get run over and go to Hell. Go to Hell and it dies. (The Guru King)
Terrance - Probably to fart like this *~faaarrrtt~*
Phillip - Oh your such an ass Terrance, heh-heh. (Mike)
Mr. Hankey - To lay an egg on the line! (Speedy)
OR Because the other side smelled like flowers.
Ms. Crabtree - To SIT DOWN IN THE BUS! (Speed61)
Damien - So he could meet my father, the Underworld Lord. (Joan)
Robert Smith - So we could roshambo. (Lani Eric)
Ms. Ellen - To join me on a trip to the sun.
Barbra Streisand - To come get my autograph, why else?
OR Because it saw Spooky Vision.
Starvin' Marvin - Cluk clloo ckliu cnuks! [so my people can fuck'n eat!] (nitwit)
Big Gay Al - To come play with everybody here at the Sanctuary.
OR Super! Thanks so much for asking! (BCE)
Wendy Testaburger - To move in on my boyfriend. Don't fuck with me, chicken! (Mark H.)
Don King - To come see the fight with Jesus and Satan. (Steve M.)
ChickenLover (Booktastic Bus Driver) - To get away from me.
OR To come and play for a while. (Wardcraven)
Ike - Don't kick the chicken. (Jonathan)
Grandpa - So I could have my way with it! (Ludovic Mahieu-Moulin)
OR 'Cause it's an ingrate! (redhed32)
OR Because that chicken wants my drivers license... what chicken? What was the question?
Mrs./Mr. Cartman - So a certain chicken could sleep with Mommy tonight! (RedSevern@aol.com)
Kyle's Mom - This is supposed to be funny? Our children deserve to grow up in a world where chickens don't cross the road! Come on, everyone, to town hall, we'll protest this! (jam)
Mr. Mackey - Staying on the this side is bad, mkay. Going to the other side is good, mkay. Smoking marahjawaana is bad, mkay. The chicken is good, mkay. (Lord Humongous)
Shelly Marsh - Chicken...squshhhh...are you looking at my brashes?....squshhhh....come here you little brat.....squshhhhh. (jam)
Alfonz Mephisto - So I can add a couple of nice asses to it. (Asclepius)
OR To get away from me, because I wanted to add a second, and maybe third, ass. (Chris)
Ozzy Osbourne - So dat I wooden bite 'is fuck'n head auf.
Mrs. Marsh - Stan wasn't chasing it, he is such a good boy.
Bebe - I don't know, but the rooster has a nice ass!
OR It is jealous of my budding breasts.
Planetarium Guy - So tha_ i_ may look a_ my beau_iful s_ar. (twrede)
Cousin Elvin - Chickens kick-ass!
Grandpa Cartman - No chicken, this is my pot roast.
Mr. McCormick - To have a drink with me. (twrede)
Tweek - To share some fresh, aaah, brewed coffee with me, aagh!
OR Aah! That is way too much pressure! (redhed32)
OR GAH! (Danielle)
Crocodile Hunter - That chicken is angry cause I just jammed my thumb up her butthole.
Mr. Tweak - It is like a baby's first step or the first step on the moon. It can be like hiking up a mountain or skiing in a snowstorm.
Ms. Stevens - To join the Getting Gay With Kids choir.
Chef's Dad - Because I give it "tree-fitty".
Marklar - The marklar crossed the marklar to marklar his marklar. (Momo)
Timmy - TIMMAY! (Brandon)
Kid From NY - The chicken just queefed!
One Of Quintuplets - What makes you think the chicken is crossing the road? You know nothing about the chicken & immediately assume it is crossing the road.
Phil Collins - To try to take my oscar away.
Rosie O'D. - We have to take a hand count of those voting for the chicken to cross the road, check for chads and then recount.
Astella - That smelly, squirt of vaginal discharge, puddle of homeless man's urine of a chicken is not fit to cross the road.
Mr. Pockets - That chicken is gay and I don't mean penetration of the bum...
Towelie - The chicken was wet and needed a towel.
OR I have no idea, crossing chickens, what's going on?
OR I have an idea, I will write a book about the chicken's journey.
Ms. Havesham - To break the rooster's heart. (Brittany)
Osama Bin Laden - To look at my tiny pen15. (Brittany)
Butters - Gosh, if that chicken crosses the road my parents are goin'a ground me.
Mr. Adler - Because it was screwing around in class. (redhed32)
Chief - That chicken belongs to the Native Americans and will not cross the road.
The British Announcer - So the chicken crossed and it lived happily ever after. Till then, I'm a british person. (JCooper)
Craig - *flips off* That chicken looks stupid. Not as stupid as us, though. (JCooper)
Senorita - To come to Casa Bonita!
Goth Dude - Can't you see the pain the chicken is in? It's trying to get away from The Conformists.
Goth Chick - That chicken is running away from it's father.
Mr. Jefferson - That chicken is ignorant, ok, it is ignorant. WeePho-dee-deeeee! *spins in place*
Gooback - To get back to the past and tor taker yer joberrr.
scene of a road, a chicken starts to cross, a truck drives by, feathers fly in the air = America's Stupidest Videos

What do you think one of other characters would say? How about some characters from Season 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 or 11 ?
Leave Your Answers Here

I'll Bet You Didn't Know..
There are more chickens in the world than humans.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken?"
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDFATHER: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road and that was good enough for us.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road; it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
GENE RODDENBURY: to Boldly go where no chicken had gone before...
MAE WEST: ...ta get to the rooster on tha other side!
FORREST GUMP: It was not a smart chicken.
CARL SAGAN: Billions and billions cross everyday.
AGENT MULDER: There have been a number of reports from many southern states of chickens who have disappeared while attempting to cross the road. In these instances, a strange battery of red, amber, and green lights have been observed in the sky above the road with the highest number of disappearances occuring during the periods of green light sightings. The USAF has denied that there were any flights in the immediate vicinity at the time. Extra-terrestial involvement is suspected.
NEITZCHE: There is NO chicken! (twist1}
CLINTON: Well, it depends on your definition of 'cross'.
BUSH: That evil chicken is hiding weapons of mass destruction.

What might be a South Park character's BIGGEST FEAR?

Cartman's == O.J. Simpson! OR Christina Aguilera [ Kennydied ]
Kyle's == being left out OR Having no rhythm [ Kennydied ]
Stan's == loosing Wendy to a Terrance and Phillip hating, Kenny killing, high hippy [ THEY ] OR Tony Danza [ Kennydied ]
Wendy's == having Token's baby
Kenny's == death! OR loosing Pengin [ Kennydied ]
Butters' == saying something that The Simpsons already said
OR == getting grounded [ JCooper ]
Chef's == getting fired from school job
Tweek's == too much pressure [ JD ]
Mr. Garrison's == Jason & Freddy coming to South Park or Mecha-Witch B.S. coming back [ jason ]
Mr. Mackey's == Drugs and Alcohol (they're bad mkay?) [ JCooper ]
Ike's == Kicking the baby [ JCooper ]
Timmy's == Livin' a lie, Timmy! [ JCooper ]
Visitor's == being found. [ JCooper ]
Mr. Hankey == the sewer getting cleaned [ JCooper ]
Kitty == Dildo [ Kennydied ]

What do you think? Tell it to the Brick Wall...

HUNT

South Park has become a "signature show" and others will lay homage in the form of a reference.
See if you find something on TV that is related to South Park, directly or indirectly.
Examples would be whenever someone says, "Kick-Ass!" or "My bad!" or any other reference that reminds you of South Park.

Make a note of whenever someone on TV says or does something that reminds you of South Park and then send me the info via Brick Wall.

KickAss! On TV

This is my version of a popular drinking game.
Get together with your friends, gang, crew, family or whomever and watch South Park ( even ReRuns ) [ For 2 or more Players ]

Disclaimer:     if you are NOT of correct age to be considered MA then subsitute the word "drink" for "glass of milk" or "zip of zoop".

KickAss! Original Drinking Game

Anytime you hear any combination of KickAss or separately! (I.E.-kicks ass, asses kicked, kicking ass, kick or ass alone)
Everyone has a drink! ( or a shot, sip, swig, chug, bh)

Anytime Kenny speaks or laughs. ( each line, phrase or sentence counts as 1 )
Everyone has a drink!

If any characters laugh after Kenny speaks. ( each time they laugh counts as 1 )
Everyone has another drink!

Add any one or all of the following as " House Rules " but it must be declared before the Theme Song ends.
( some rules were revised on Jan. 9, 2004 )

1. ( sex rule ) Any sex related comments or actions - Everyone has a drink.
2. ( violence rule ) Anytime someone gets hit, slapped, punched or knocked over - Everyone has a drink.
3. ( song rule ) Anytime someone sings - Everyone has a drink. If Chef or Cartman sings - Everyone has 2 drinks.
4. ( fart rule ) Anytime someone farts - Everyone has 2 drinks.
    Unless you can actually smell it...in which case you say out loud, "Someone is baking brownies!" then YOU get a drink.
5. ( "bleep" rule ) Everyone picks 1 - KYLE, STAN, CARTMAN or OTHER. (Kenny was left out on purpose)
    Whenever there is a "BLEEP", whomever picked that character takes a drink. Multiple picks of same character is ok. OTHER is for all other characters.
6. ( star rule ) Anytime a celebrity's name is spoken, written as text, appears as pic or cartoon, yell out " STAR " - That player has a drink.
    If multiple Players shout "STAR" at same time, everyone has a drink.
7. ( nature rule ) Whenever you spot an animal (not human), yell out what it is - That player has a drink.
Examples Spotted == dog, cat, pig, elephant, rabbit, fish, monkeys, bear, eagle, vultures, gnomes, Marklars...etc.
8. (death rule) Whenever someone gets killed, even if Kenny - Everyone has a drink.

Have fun!

Comic-Con 2004 Trivia Challenge

I was asked to be a sponsor for Entertainment Earth's booth at Comic-Con 2004.
I gave them 30 trivia questions that they used for their Trivia Challenge and winners got a prize.
Here are some of the REALLY HARD ones, see if you know. [ highlight area between ~ for answer ]

Lemmiwinks' adventure through Mr. Slave in "Death Camp of Tolerance" was a parody of which movie?
~ THE HOBBIT ~

Which scamp has a Mom that is a hermaphrodite?
~ CARTMAN ~

What is Chef's full name?
~ JEROME CHEF McELROY ~

Cartman has relatives that live in what other state?
~ NEBRASKA ~

Cartman fed Scott's parents to Scott with that special chili. Which rock band is Scott's favorite?
~ RADIOHEAD ~

In which episode did Cartman speak this famous phrase, "Cartoons Kick Ass!" ?
~ VOLCANO ep#103 ~

Which cartoon was he refering to, that is kick-ass?
~ CARTOONS IN GENERAL ~

How South Park & Seinfeld Are Similar

Funny at worst and hilarious at best, but never suck & hasn't ever "Jumped The Shark".

Appeal to people of all ages.
Although - some of the people get some jokes, and some of the people get all jokes, but all the people don't get all the jokes.

Episodes portray real-life situations.
example 1 example 2

The settings are real-life places in America and around the world.

Had controversial episodes!!!

Had a unique twist on Christmas tradition.

Started originial popular phrases or terms.
[ Ohmigod, They Killed Kenny! You Bastards!, KickAss!, My Bad! vs Yada-yada-yada, Master of own Domain, Spongeworthy, Closing the Vault ]

There is something hidden within many episodes.
[ Visitor/Alien & Orgazmo & chili can vs Superman Reference [ listed here ] & Brand-Name Cereal Boxes ]

Each had their own kind of "different" episode.
[ "Not Without My Anus" & "The Betrayal" (shown in reverse) ]

They both have an episode with "BUTTER" in title.
[ "Butter's Very Own Episode" #514 aired 12.12.01 vs "The Butter Shave" #157 aired 9.25.97 ]

They both have obscure movie references, including Star Trek.

They both have multiple Seasons of episodes.
[ Seinfeld = 9 / South Park = 11+ ]

Centered around the life of 4 main characters. ( same 4 in multiple episodes )
The characters complement each other.
[ George & Jerry are childhood friends just as Stan & Kyle. Kramer is the scheme maker just as Cartman. ]
Have a female character that you don't want to fuck with.
Have a fatass character that thinks about food often.
Have a cook/chef character.
Have a character with Jewish parents.
Another character's parents have never been seen.
Have a character that is hard to understand.
Have a character with a reoccurring "gimmick".
[ Kenny dies & Kramer entrance ]
Have minor characters played by various celebrities.
Have bubble-boy character.

Ike's Wee Wee -#204
There was a Seinfeld episode in which Kramer, after learning that a neighbor's kid is going to be circumcised, opposes it, just as Stan and Cartman oppose Ike's pending circumcision.
This South Park episode originally aired the same week as last episode of Seinfeld - "The Finale (2)" May 1998, so there are a few references.
They even duplicated that musical jingle between scenes in South Park same as in Seinfeld.